So, here’s a little, deep post for you, just needed to get some stuff off my mind so I can think about more positive things.
Since being 16, I have always been in relationships (2 relationships with about 6 months in between). I’ve got to say, for the time I was single, I was so happy. I just got to do what I wanted, to go out with who I wanted to and I didn’t feel dependent on anyone. I think that’s my problem in a relationship, I become dependent on the other person for my happiness, when the only person responsible for my happiness is me. I kind of lose who I am when I’m in a relationship sometimes, I forget to do things for myself and to let them do their own thing too. I guess that’s a flaw of mine.
I get so invested when I’m in a relationship (I’m not saying this is a bad thing), but I turn down a lot of opportunities just because I’ve become so obsessed with this other person and what we have. These can be things from spending time with my friends, to not looking at jobs outside of where my boyfriend lives. Obviously these are things you shouldn’t do when you get into a relationship and I feel like such a bad person for this. I need to learn to strike the balance between my life and my relationship, something I haven’t quite got the hang of yet.
Being single is so much easier, I’m sure a lot of people can agree with me on that one, but being in a relationship with the right person makes you work harder at the relationship and is ten times more rewarding. I know I need to change a lot about myself in terms of being in a relationship, but can you do that while you are still in the relationship, or do you have to separate the two in order to work solely on yourself?
When you’re with someone, you just can’t picture your life without them, but what if you need to be without them to become a better you and you know they will be happier this way?
Love makes you stupid… I guess that’s why I’m writing all of this, I’m asking complete strangers (or no one, depending if anyone even reads this post) for relationship advice. I’m at a point in my life where I can’t afford to be distracted, I’m in my last year of university and in the process of applying to a graduate scheme, if I get distracted then
the next few years of my life are going to be very different from what I had planned. I can’t afford to go around in circles, I need to be happy and focus on my future and I need the people around me to be happy.
I know only I can know what’s best for
me and my situation, but honestly, I don’t. I don’t know what will make me the happiest, I don’t know where I will be in the next year or so in terms of a relationship, they’re complicated af! I feel like I need to go on a 3 month holiday to the Maldives by myself and just soak up the sun and be happy!
I’m probably feeling low about all of this because its winter, so I’m all upset because the weather is so shit. I’m sorry for rambling on about all of this and probably not making any sense along the way, I just feel like I needed to let all my “deep” thoughts out without actually telling anyone about it at the same time.